


not enough

by crxzy_duxl



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Anger, Descent into Madness, Insanity, Kayn is ugly but Rhaast is uglier, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Non-Graphic Violence, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, just random thoughts, kayn is angry at himself and rhaast, quick fic, rhaast is a god but he's a human, that means he knows what feelings are, they're just both fucked up characters, they're perfect for each other, what if kayn was rotten from the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27080941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crxzy_duxl/pseuds/crxzy_duxl
Summary: There is something beautiful about being dark deep inside.It's realizing how much darker you can get.
Relationships: Shieda Kayn & Rhaast, Shieda Kayn/Rhaast
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	not enough

**Author's Note:**

> this is just like a thought fic where kayn has a more fucked up upbringing. where violence is the norm and he doesn't know what emotions are. he's a stupid kid, and he's a stupid teenager, and still a stupid adult. and rhaast takes that to his advantage. he promises him of this grand scheme of things if he lets rhaast win. but letting rhaast win is essentially him losing. and kayn hates losing.
> 
> and after an incident that has rhaast taking over for just the shortest amount of time, kayn decides he has to end it once and for all, even if it means taking away the only thing that understood him, that truly was with him
> 
> it's like getting comfortable with your ugly demons. everyone has those things they like to keep secret, because they know how people will react once they find out.
> 
> it's finding comfort with showing your imperfections, to somebody who won't judge.
> 
> except that they're manipulating you for their own gain.
> 
> this is just fucked up in all honesty and I can't explain what I wanted to do in this fic, so have this trash writing.

They are one, yet two. A symbiotic yet parasitic relationship. The mortal thinks he knows of everything- the warrior thinks he can  _ conquer  _ everything.

Kayn would like to think he couldn’t dominate him. Everyone had fallen to the brazen man’s advances with the tiniest bit of contact- he had held it himself and he hadn’t fallen to  _ him.  _

He wouldn’t fall for anyone. Not anybody. Power was what he sought- that was what he could give him.

And give he did.

Promised dark whispers of power, tantalizing secrets offered at his plate, grand visions of a world where he could utterly and completely rule. A grand scheme of things the scythe had whispered to him at late nights, mocking laughs as he would control the man inside him with what he wanted.

_ Neither of them can give in- they can only fight, and fight, and  _ **_fight._ **

There is a vast ocean of knowledge between the two. Kayn doesn’t want that. He wants the power, to relish in it, to  _ bathe  _ in it.

And he knows that the scythe before him is the only way he can reach that.

They’re two lifelines- perhaps connected to each other- in the worst way it could have. In the depths of his soul, there is no one.  _ Maybe, just maybe, Rhaast was meant to- _

He licks the blood off of his lips, his hands, crimson trailing down his arm as his eyesight blurs and worsens. His legs are wrecked, possibly split open, so raw and fucked and absolutely fucking ruined. The pain is there and yet he welcomes it wholly- because that’s all he’ll ever  _ have. _

There is something about being a child growing up with dead bodies around him. There is no warmth to them- only the cold and their spirits coming to haunt him. You could give a child a home, parents to care for and people to love and live for and they wouldn’t be disgusting, torn, broken, and ugly like a child called Shieda.

Kids his age bathed in the crystal clear water of the rivers in Ionia- Kayn bathed in red, deep dark crimson blood.

Give a normal kid a piece of paper and crayons and they would draw a big house, their future family, and things they wanted to obtain in the future. Give Shieda that and he is alone. There is no home. The only thing there is his neverending utter power and control.

Give a kid a sparring partner and they’ll train together with the intent of improving. Give Shieda the same thing and he will fight with the intent to kill.

Give him a family to look at and he will ruin that.

Give Shieda anything beautiful and he will fucking ruin that top to bottom, burning it to cinders and ending up with a beautiful-

_ Horrifyingly beautiful canvas. _

Give Shieda Kayn anything but ruined and he will turn that into how he sees it fit. You can give him the greatest things people can offer- you can offer him all the love, care, the comfort he would have needed- but with how rotten he is, that won’t be enough. Love isn’t enough. And the world isn’t  _ enough. _

_ It isn’t enough _ , he thinks.

And when everything isn’t enough for someone like him- he turns something beautiful into twisted, one that can satisfy him.

Love- to him- isn’t soft whispers and gentle touches. It isn’t nice good mornings on the bed with your significant other. It isn’t a nice walk in the rivers, in the plains, in the markets buying food for your whole family.

It’s purple patches, crimson on his lips, tears in his eyes, anger seething in him. His love is trading blows with the demon inside him. He chuckles lifelessly, knowing one thing.

_ He wouldn’t have it either way. _ Someone as filthy as him, being granted such a beautiful thing? It didn’t fit him at all. What fit a monster like him was violence and hatred.

Maybe that’s why Rhaast has chosen him as his future host.

He roams his eyes around the battlefield, corpse after corpse laying down in the freshly stained grass. There is copper in the air.

He relishes in it- certainly, his scythe does too. It’s at times where he holds him like this, that Rhaast can really see how beautiful his canvas is The demon inside him certainly liked it.

He stares at his scythe, an unspoken connection forming between them once again. Rhaast hums. He knows Kayn wants to ask a question.

_ What reason do we exist? _

There is silence as Rhaast laughs. Kayn does, not long after.

If anybody asked both Kayn and his scythe to why they existed- they would reply in unison with only one word.

_ Destruction. _

Perhaps that is what makes him and Rhaast so perfect for each other. They savor death and almost worship it. No, they  _ lived  _ in it.

There is nothing more exhilarating than ending another person’s life for him. No matter what way, no matter what weapon, no matter what time or place- bringing an end to anyone he meets will always send him a rush of bliss.

The scythe whispers to him- how good their screams feel. How their shrills bring thrills to him. That the way they died by Shieda’s scythe is the way they should have only died- and no one else’s hands, nor weapons.

Somebody’s death was something Kayn would call as relief, he guesses. Staring at their mangled, bruised and bleeding body left to rot away brought peace to him.

It’s ironic how he never found peace in anything mortals found normal- maybe he really was meant to wield this abomination.

So just how- just how did everything end this way?

He stares at his scythe, not too far away.

He expects it to be still the same shade of silver, with that half-open eye staring back at him with the same intent to win. But it isn’t there. He’s not there.

Rhaast isn’t there.

And that breaks something inside of him.

Kayn has always, and will always, love him. Because even if they were fucked up, even if they were disgusting, even if they were broken beyond repair, they found themselves in each other. And perhaps that’s the only thing more beautiful than the canvas in front of him.

He wonders if there was ever a place in the light for someone as broken as him.

He shakes the thought off, knowing that even if it was offered to him- he would never take it.

_ Wouldn’t have it either way,  _ he repeats on his mind.

Power surges through his veins. His whole body emits a bluish hue, his whole hair turning sapphire as markings appeared on him. He should be happy, should be thrilled, should be exhilarated that he finally had  _ his  _ power. And yet, it hurts his very core.

Because he’s not here.

_ Rhaast isn’t here. _

It would be twisted of him to think that Rhaast was the only person he truly had, but he wasn’t lying.

He’ll relish this feeling forever, left broken in pieces yet simultaneously feeling as if he was a god himself. Because there is nothing he can hold onto now. Nowhere to go, nowhere to live, and nowhere to end up in.

Shieda hates him for leaving. But he hates himself more.

He’s the one that killed  _ him _ .

And so, Rhaast’s parting gift isn’t the whole world. It isn’t the entire universe under his hands like he promised him.

It’s a neverending rage for taking away the only thing that understood him.


End file.
